I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
