Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
