Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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