Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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