Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
