Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
