I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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