i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
