How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
