im six kinds of drunk right now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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