I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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