You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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