We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
