You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
