my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
