I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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