thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
birth control should be required to get into college
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
