I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
