So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
