So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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