We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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