also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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