I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
