the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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