Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am available for nakedness
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
