literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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