You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
