If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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