Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize