Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
