look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
