I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i barfeds in our rink
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
