whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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