My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
