i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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