Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
