Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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