I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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