Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
