I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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