Do vagina's smell?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
