i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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