It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
