While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
