____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
