3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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