I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
