Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
