is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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