I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
