Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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