Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
