How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
