You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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