Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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