My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
