I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
