I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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