I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
