the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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