in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so let's talk penis.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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