I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
