Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
