She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
