biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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