there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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