Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize