the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
