i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize