Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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